I wrote this for FTW!!!1 a while back, and decided that I wanted it to follow my blog too, because that lives on ‘ol Blue and I don’t know what’s going to become of the TS server after this schoolyear. The following is the complete reproduction of the original article.

In response to the recent articles making the general public aware of the reasons which it is beneficial for girls to date n3rds (I am aware of two such lists: the one that Sarah posted yesterday and this one ) I think that in order to help girls find n3rds to take home, I will offer some much needed insight into the world of the n3rd.

How to tell if he likes you.

1. Are you a girl? Then he likes you.
2. Does he not make eye contact with you? Then he likes you a lot.
3. Does being in the same room as you make him uncomfortable to the point where he occasionally can’t control his bladder? Then he probably thinks that he loves you.

How to get him to like you if he doesn’t already.

1. Introduce yourself…as a girl. Say “Hello, my name is [insert name here, or if you don’t want him to know your real name, make one up] and I am a girl.” At this point, he will probably turn a shade of crimson that you did not know existed (but for the record it’s [255, 0, 40]) and look at his feet. You don’t know it yet, but he now likes you. And he just vacated his bowels.
2. Wear a shirt with a number on it. Any number. Maybe when you’re in the same room as him, you could also loudly proclaim from time to time “I like numbers.” Don’t push the subject too hard, though, it shouldn’t take much to get him piqued.
3. Use words like n00b, pwn, 1337, and a whole lot of acronyms. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what 1337 means, or if the acronyms you use aren’t real, just throw anything in there. He will be so surprised when he hears you say “I totally pwned payless today. They were having this 1337 sale, right, and I pwned this one woman who thought she was going to get a sweet deal on some BAPs, but I hosed her with my level 26 purse with a rock mod, FTW!!1!.” He might even be surprised when you say “I was going to noob this one 1337 WTF right in the BBQ, but it’s that time of teh month.” The possibilities are endless.

What to do to get rid of a nerd that you don’t want.

1. Tell him that your favorite computer game is Photoshop.
2. Tell him that you are thinking of buying a Mac, and don’t budge when he tries to convince you otherwise.
3. Ask him if he can fit the internet on a floppy for you. Remind him that it has to be the whole internet, and tell him not to come back until he’s finished.
4. Punch him in the face. You should have about a week to move to a new city or something.

Ladies, please take full advantage of this information. FULL advantage.