If you can’t stand to walk an extra twenty feet on the sidewalk to get to class, and instead must cut across the grass to save yourself the five seconds that it would take you to go around, why the fuck are you here? Why would you come to a small liberal arts institution where challenges are to be expected, and where you would be required to put forth effort at almost everything you do, and then wimp out at the thought of having to take an extra thirteen paces in order to get to the College Center? You know what I bet it was? I bet you thought that if you didn’t cut that corner, the guy in front of you was going to get there first and snake the last two cheeseburgers, and I’ll be damned if those weren’t your treat to yourself for figuring out that you could cut an extra eighty stairs out of your daily routine by taking the elevator in the library instead of trying to surmount that monstruous obstacle that surely must be the bane of your existence: the one you call the Olin stairs. It really is a damn shame that even to get to the elevator in the library, you have to climb a small flight of stairs. If only you were handicapped, you could use the first floor entrance, and then you wouldn’t have to climb a single stair to get up to the fourth floor. It is sad that you don’t see your biggest handicap: inconsideration.

You know what? Those sidewalks are there for a reason. Cement doesn’t die when trodden upon repeatedly. Grass, however, gives way to dirt and mud, and I don’t much particularly want to be sitting in the dirt when Springtime hits and I want to read a book outside in the quad. With every unnecessary step that you take off of the cement, more green becomes brown, and you make this campus just a little bit uglier. I read an article last year in the Observer by a student that was concerned with the amount of campus that was covered by mulch, the grounds crew’s answer to the receding grassline. The amount of ground that was covered in mulch had increased a great deal from the previous year, and in the opinion of the reporter (and I share that opinion), mulch is fucking ugly. She didn’t say it quite so distastefully, but I am hot and bothered enough to feel the need to provide that emphasis. You devalue the very institution that you call home for nine months of a twelve month calendar every day and you’re not even the only one that lives here. There are over two thousand other students here, as well as faculty and staff that must also watch as you run this campus into the ground, not to mention the grounds crew, who’s hard work you are pissing away with each frugal step you take. A calorie saved is a calorie earned, I say, so enjoy them.

Why don’t you care? Why are you so selfish?

I hope that tomorrow you trip, and are forced to wipe from your face the very fruits of your labor, the filth that you create.