Or so it would seem. It’s not like I don’t look for water that I would like, I do. It’s just that when I find water that I would like, it’s apparently not mine to drink, and instead it is reserved for someone else. It wouldn’t be so bad if the water that I would like to drink didn’t wind up having a strange affinity for the people that hold daily office in my life (that’s right, this isn’t the first time this has happened). So, it appears that it is my doom to sit and watch the people around me consume the resources that I would like, and I am left dehydrated. Some even drink water that they don’t even want or like, just for the sake of quenching their thirst. Maybe this is repayment for the time I drank the water that three other people wanted and competed with me for.

For those of you that haven’t caught up yet, this isn’t about water at all.

Now, I think about what life was like before I knew what it was like to spoon, to kiss, and I miss those days. I miss the innocence and ignorance and the bliss that it gave me, not knowing what I was then and am now missing out on. I wish that I had never felt anything at all to the effect of “love,” in which my faith is waning yet again. I want so badly to forget all that burdens my memory and go back to the good old days when video games were all that got me truly excited and where I could stay in on the week-ends without anybody giving me any shit about being boring. I want to have fun on my own terms. I want to be in control of my surroundings, and I can’t right now. The problem for me isn’t what’s happening around me that causes me to feel low, it’s the fact that I know that there’s nothing that I can do about it until after graduation. If I could change scenery right now, I would have already. I have one thing to look forward to, and that is Ireland. I hope so very badly that I get to go to Ireland. Basically, my conclusion is:

Life would be so much easier if I was just dead or a toddler or something.

I would, however, still like the ability to retain the contents of my bowels. That I greatly appreciate.

Update: I was looking up the origin of the paraphrased title of this post, which I had originally learned as “water, water, everywhere, but not a drop to drink,” and I was interested to find that the line is actually “water, water, every where, nor any drop to drink.” It is from “Rime of the ancient Mariner,” a long poem by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, interestingly enough about a man who is at sea on a merchant ship that gets lost. An Albatross begins to follow the ship, and this brings them good sailing weather until, one day, the man shoots down the Albatross with his bow. The ship and the man are therefore cursed. It is a great poem, and if you have twenty minutes to spare, I highly recommend it. Upon reading the poem, I also noticed that it is also referenced by the movie Serenity, when Mal and the assassin are having their confrontation at Anara’s training camp.

The Operative: That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She’s an albatross, Captain.
Mal: Way I remember it, albatross was a ship’s good luck… til some idiot killed it.
(to Inara)
Yes, I’ve read a poem. Try not to faint.